Rajeev’s theory of conflict management: ‘A’ square ‘C’Cube … Read More

Rajeev’s theory of conflict management: ‘A’ square ‘C’Cube

Life Lessons 25 May 2014 Love you,

Life lessons today was different. It was full of stories, games, interactions and as like all the life lessons, it was full of learnings. Naren is on a vacation, hence he had delegated the responsibility of taking the life lessons to Rajeev Tulpule. Rajeev did a wonderful job and was ably helped by his wife Meghana in planning and executing the show. Kudos to both on an excellent show.

In the ancient times the means of learning was the Gurukul where the source of knowledge was the Guru. The knowledge of the disciple was limited to that of the guru. Though the Gurus were enlightened, the ability of the students to grasp the knowledge was limited as he would not explore anything on his own.
Then came the schools. Multiple teachers would teach various subjects and little more exposure to the students was available. But again it was Ctrl C & Ctrl V (Copy & Paste) method.
A Lecture is transfer of information from the sender into one ear of the listener to outside the other without affecting anything inside as well as outside.
We experientially know that the best & profound learning happens outside the class. There are various ways of learning.

1) Learning through stories.
We all know that One should have 100% commitment in a relationship.
Once there was a boy who had a few marbles with him. There was a girl next door who had chocolates with her. The boy said to the girl that let us exchange our stuff. You give me all you chocolates and I will give you all my marbles. The girl agreed. The boy went home to get the marbles. As he was returning, a thought came to his mind. He said to himself that anyways the girl does not know how many marbles he has so what difference would it make if I keep some beautiful marbles with me. Saying so he removed the best of the lot and kept them with himself, took the remaining ones and exchanged them with the girl. The girl gave all her chocolates to the boy. At night when the boy was going to bed, he could not sleep peacefully. The only thought that was disturbing him was that the way he had kept some marbles with him, possibly the girl might have done the same and kept some assorted chocolates with her. On the other hand the girl was sleeping peacefully as she was committed in the exchange and hence no negative thoughts were disturbing her.
Such simple stories have very profound learnings. Hence in the earlier days grannies and grandpa’s would tell stories to the kids at the bedtime to guide their thought pattern and to inspire the children.

2) The other way of learning is through movies. Movies like Lagaan, 3 Idiots, Swadesh, Bhaag Milkha Bhaag, Chak De are classic examples of profound learnings. Documentaries like the assassin of Osama Bin Laden and ‘Invictis’ on the life of Nelson Mandela are suggested by Rajeev as a must watch.
A dialogue or a scene in the movie can be a turning point in the lives of many.

I am alone in the house, the phone is ringing & probably it is a very important call that I am expecting. My small baby is profusely crying. At the same time there is continuous knocking on the door. I am expecting my passport to be delivered to me after my visa stamping as I am to fly abroad the next day. If I don’t open the door maybe the courier guy will return the passport back to the embassy and my schedule will go for a toss. As this is happening it starts raining and my best dress which I am supposed to wear for the evening office party is drying in the sun. It is a May afternoon and rains are least expected and suddenly it starts pouring. As it is mid summer and water as a resource is depleting, the water supply is rationed. The water supply begins and it will be for 10 mins only. If I don’t fill the pots, I will not have water to drink. I have to put things as priority to what I would do first?

The priority of work done resembles the following as our priorities in life:
Phone: Work
Baby crying: Family
Knocking of door: Friends
Drying of clothes: Money
Flowing Water: Love

3) Rajeev’s theory of conflict management: ‘A’ square ‘C’Cube:
A: Avoid
A: Accommodate
C: Compete
C: Compromise
C: Collaborate

If we are not able to solve a issue then go to the higher intelligence.

A Arab dies leaving camels as his assets. He had made a will that the camels should be divided in his three sons. The eldest son gets half of the camels, the second son gets 1/3rd of the camels while the youngest son gets 1/9th share. The issue was How to divide the 17 camels that the Arab has left as his asset amongst his sons. The sons start fighting amongst themselves as none was ready to take a little less than his share. They approach a wise man for the solution. The wise man brings one camel of his own making the total count to 18 and divides the camels as per the will. The eldest takes half i.e 9 camels, the second son gets 1/3 i.e 6 camels while the youngest son gets 1/9 i.e 2 camels leaving one which the wise man took away as it was his addition to the lot.
Quite often in relationships or in issues of conflicts the necessity is to find the 18th camel i.e to find the common ground or point of agreement and then solve the issue. A lot many relationships would be saved if we can find such points of agreement, get the 18th camel in picture.

The orange dilemma. I have two children at home. As I open the fridge, I see a orange inside. I call out my children asking if anyone wants the orange. Both come running wanting the orange. Both claim that they had responded first and none of them is ready to share it with the other. What would you do in such a situation.
A variety of sharings came from the audience on how they would deal with the situation.
a) Make them do a task and then forcefully divide the orange.
b) Let them compete and winner takes it all.
c) No one gets it until they come up with a mutually agreeable solution.
e) Get the mother in the picture and let her decide as she knows how to handle the children better.
f) Emotional blackmail and divide the orange in four parts, the two kids, the mother and the father.
g) Give them a task and buy time to go to the market and get more oranges.
h) convince either of the two to take some other fruit promising some freebies.
We time and again come across such situations in life where we don’t know the way exact and peaceful way out. In such situation either buy out some time to think or go to the higher intelligence for solution.

There is a railway track. As it reaches the station it is split into two tracks. One track is used regularly. The other track is not used for years. A few children are playing on the track which is in use. On the track where the train never goes, there is only one child who is playing. The train comes in full speed. The driver of the train hoots the hooter for the children to move but they are so engrossed in playing that the don’t hear the hooter. The speed of the train is such that emergency brakes too will not be able to control the train in time to save the children. You are standing near the lever which transfers the train from one track to the other. You realize the emergency and the consequences of the situation. What would you do? Will you let the train pass on the regular track and let the 5-7 children playing there die or would you change the lever and let the single child die inspite of him being right. What would you do??

Not all right decisions are popular and not all popular decisions are right.

4) Learning through demonstration.
We as leaders of organizations or of the house have the responsibility to behave and do things appropriately as people at work and children at home are watching and they will follow us.

5) The next way of learning is through exploration. Learning beyond the books.
A game was played. Cards were distributed with pictures of some great monuments from India. Groups were to be made by identifying people who have the picture of the same monument as that of yours. Winners were given chocolates as a gesture of appreciation and to motivate to perform. After the groups were made, all the groups were asked for the references in history which made those monuments very famous. The monuments were Taj Mahal, Qutub Minar, India gate, Jantar Mantar, Hawa Mahal, Gate way of India, Lal Qila to name a few.
Nature, culture and Architecture will teach us phenomenal things.
Ask ‘Why’ five times to any situation and we are very close to the solution. Move out of the house and explore the world. Try traveling on foot. Hire a local guide and get to know many stories which otherwise books will not be able to tell us. This is the best source of learning and getting to know about our ancient heritage.

After this the same groups formed were given newspapers and a question sheet. Various questions with answers in the newspaper were asked and the groups were to find answers referring the newspaper. The winning team was given chocolates for there effort and for teamwork.
The most profound learning was that there is so much good that can be got from the newspaper, it also keeps me updated with the business and sports world, latest events and happenings. Only if I can avoid the negatives and focus on the positive, newspaper too are a good source of learning. The best way to read a newspaper is to read it beginning form the last page.

Brain Tattoos:
1) This life lessons was a reinforcement that if the student in me is alive, I can learn from anything and everything.
2) Nature, Culture and Architecture teach is phenomenal things. Explore and get as close to them as possible.
3) Apart from books and teachers, stories, movies, games, exploration and demonstration are very powerful and effective means of learning.
4) Not all right decisions are popular and not all popular decisions are right.

Pyaar se……


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